I’m Not Going to Live Like This Anymore

I'm back! And this year's gonna look different.

Happy new year, everyone!

It has been a slow start to the new year for me. Normally I come out of the Christmas holiday eager to get back to work, flush with new ideas and renewed optimism. Not this year. Coming up on four weeks now of dealing with what my wife thinks is the flu, I realize now how much I needed rest.

I am, however, gradually getting better every day, and the ol’ new year’s vigor is beginning to return. I think I missed the window for new year’s resolutions, but the down time has given me some insight into what I want to press toward this year. Or, maybe more accurately, away from.

Worn out

I’m pretty worn out, not just physically, but, I don’t know, psychologically? culturally? societally? I’m not sure what the right word is. Something really deep and pervasive. I’m tired from the way we do life, what it’s become and becoming. I’m tired from this increasing sense of friction that’s affecting everything.

I don’t know if it’s me that’s turning into a fuddy-duddy or if the world is changing. (Judging by the growing cacophony, it seems like the latter.) What used to bring excitement, joy, fun, inspiration, productivity, and community now is the greatest threat to those things. Social media, the internet, smart phones - once great tools - are now, at the hands of greedy overlords, fundamentally changing the fabric of society and rewiring our brains. I see it everywhere, especially in myself.

The constant buzz of anxiety, the icky feeling after being on my phone, the inability, bordering on terror, to look up and experience the world around me at any given moment - I’m sick of it. I’ve come to a point where I would rather be out of touch (as if the glassy-eyed ones are in touch!) than live this way anymore. I’d rather be happy. I’d like to know again what it’s like to be quiet inside.

And as a musician, who’s told that giving up social media is career suicide, I would rather forfeit a music career than play this game any longer. This was one of my big takeaways from last year: spending 10% of my time being creative and 90% putting on the dog and pony show for the algorithms (not an exaggeration) is criminal (on the platforms’ part) and utterly insane (on my part), not to mention just plain fucking MISERABLE.

I’m done living this way. I’m done working this way. I’m done being this kind of person. And I’m not alone. There’s a rapidly-growing groundswell of musicians (and many others) figuring out a way forward apart from social media. I’m a part of one of those communities (thanks

Seth Werkheiser

!), learning a lot, and am eager to begin making some tectonic shifts in my life and career this year.

In my personal life

This year, I want to pursue depth and what is real. Here’s what I’m aiming for:

• Keep social media apps off my phone. I already deleted them - what a life changer. I’m gonna keep it that way.

• Turn my phone off and/or leave it in another room in the evenings.

• Read more this year. Easy now that I’m no longer doom scrolling. And it has to be physical books for me. The extra effort means something and the retention is better. Also, re-read books that had a huge impact on me.

• Buy DVDs. So many great movies still worth watching. They go for $1 at secondhand stores and flea markets. Again, a physical item that requires intention to put on and that carries associations and sits visibly on a shelf all greatly increases retention and enjoyment.

• Listen to whole albums of music, start to finish, and buy my favorites from Bandcamp.

• Go on more hikes and backpacking trips.

• Eat more real food, not processed crap.

• Spend time with friends face to face. Strong arm it into happening. Whatever it takes. Call (yes, literally) friends who live out of town.

• See live music regularly, music being made in the moment and lost in the next. Meet people. Buy beer. Bask in the afterglow of real human connection. You know, that thing we millennials-and-older used to experience often.

• Journal every day, by hand, with a fountain pen.

My friend, Aaron Huie, and I were recently talking about how most people live in “default world,” always opting for the easiest, most for-granted thing in each moment. That sound like death to me. I want to make the most of each moment this year.

In my music

I want to move toward spaces this year that are slower and more intentional, that require brains to be turned on.

• I want to make more original stuff, not trendy stuff, but stuff that will last, that’s worth the time it takes to listen to it. By changing the balances on the marketing- vs creativity-time scale, this won’t be hard to do. I also plan to start prioritizing platforms that align with that vision, specifically Bandcamp and Qobuz vs Spotify.

• I plan to begin building an all-in-one website that will house everything I do and ever have done - a place that I have full control over and can shape for my purposes and that won’t disappear just because its content is more than a week old.

• I will continue even more to put the firstfruits of my communication efforts into my email list (i.e. this Substack). Specifically, I want to try viewing it as a letter (sent maybe once a week?) from me to you of what I’ve been doing, making, learning, thinking, loving, etc. All the things I’ve been always written about, just more and better.

Unfortunately, I still need social media accounts for networking, running ads, and social proof, but for those that follow me there, you can expect that I will monitor them less and less over time and will work actively to eventually be totally free from them. I have met musicians who have done this. It sounds like utopia.

Thank you

I say this often and I always mean it - thank you for being here. If you’ve read this whole thing, wow, thank you. I never get over the fact that people actually read my writing. Thank you for taking me seriously, for listening to my music, for hearing me out, for all the things. I’m gonna stop here, but I can’t wait for my next letter because I can’t wait to show you what I’ve been working on recently.

Much more coming!

– Zach

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Recommendations

Articles/Video Commentary

Two related to what I wrote above:

Get Rich in Your Parent's Basement

Podcasts

• The latest episode of Sam Harris’ Making Sense podcast, “Thoughts Without a Thinker” is a crash course on the why and how of mindfulness meditation.

• A recent episode of Derek Thompson’s podcast, Plain English: “The Year’s Biggest Breakthroughs in Science and Tech.” Mind-blowing advancements that never made the headlines. Plus, the best 101 on quantum computing (and quantum mechanics in general) I’ve ever heard.

Music

• II by Kiasmos. IDM, ambient electronic, minimal techno.

• Pulsar by L’Impératrice. Elecrofunk, space disco, synth pop.

Film

• The King (2019). About Henry V. Loved the historical accuracy, particularly the lighting and the sword battles, and the rawness. No frills in this one. And Timothée Chalamet knocked it out of the ballpark.

• 1917 (2019). Wow. I’ve never been affected so deeply by the cinematography itself. Powerful film.

• Koyaanisqatsi (1982). I never understood Phillip Glass’s music until I watched this film. Mesmerizing.

Honorable Mention - DORICO IS ON SALE!!!

Folks, Dorico, the best music notation software (and it’s no contest, truly. I’ve used them all.) is on sale right now. I’ve never seen it on sale before. You can get a crossgrade version for only $180!

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